Relationship

Adam Wes We'll just get settled in. I'll wait for a few more people to join.

Very good space. Lighting some candles, some incense.

Amanda.

We're missing Andrea, but that's funny. She's right there.

We'll just get settled in while we wait for another minute or two. Bring attention to your body. Let those thoughts begin to slow down.

Namaste, Sangha. Welcome. Hi, Mom. Hi, Sam. Hi, Andrea. Hi, Ariella. Hi, everybody. Welcome, Lauren. So good to see you here. Anna, Ana, nice to see you here.

The way these sessions work is, we begin with a talk. I give a sermon on a special spiritual topic for 20 minutes or so, maybe 30. Then we do an energetic meditation that focuses on qi or kundalini, usually a very heart-centered meditation. Together, we develop a wake of energy, and we usually have pretty deep mystical experiences. Some of us have visions, and some of us have chakras open, things like that. Some of us just really begin to clear the space, get quieter, and heal in that way too.

Also, I've put a donation link in the chat. This is donation-based. I've been doing that to make sure it's accessible to people from all over the world and all walks of life. We've got amazing people here who wouldn't be able to make it if it cost too much money. We're trying to build the community together, so I've made that a variable price for you. Just do what you can. The recommended amount is $3 to $33, and the link's in the chat.

What else can I tell you? All right. I'm really excited for today's talk. It's on relationship, and I'll be approaching relationship in a particular way. Relationship is such a diverse topic. Within a spiritual connotation, it's a little bit more specific, and I'll be focusing on something in particular: independence, interdependence, intradependence, and also servant leadership.

These are a few things that I think are very relevant to Sangha. Last week, we talked about Sangha. I don't know if anybody has had a chance to read my 2,500-or-so-word written sermon on Sangha, but it's on Substack if you're interested in reading that. It's got a little bit about mathematics there, and some example coding and things like that, but it's still on the topic.

Come on in. How are you, Daniel? How's your week?

Daniel R It's been fine. I'm a little bit tired. It's the last week before the holiday, so the kids are very excitable. It's tiring, but I'm also excited about the holiday.

Adam Wes Nice. Yeah, you get a break. Daniel's a math teacher in Mexico, so he gets a break from students in school. I get a similar break, in a way. I have some students that I tutor.

Boom. All right, well, welcome.

Relationship. There's independence, which is our personal life, the things that we do on our own. There's interdependence. These are transactional relationships. You go to the store, you give them money, and they give you food. It's not really based in much more than a fair exchange. We share a society, but for the most part, we don't have a mutual vested interest in an interpersonal relationship. That's exchange-based relationships.

Independence can also be replaced with the word personal. Interdependence can be interpersonal. Then we have intradependence, or intrapersonal, and interdependence is really where the magic happens.

In interdependence, we experience a kind of relationship that is of a different quality from going to Whole Foods, giving them money, and getting food back or whatever. Interdependence means that we live for something greater than ourselves. We live for something together. We're a part of something greater, and therefore we're related.

You could think of SpaceX, for example. SpaceX is a very inspiring company, perhaps the greatest company that I feel is out there right now. They're making humanity multiplanetary. To be a part of SpaceX, to go there, you're not just there for the paycheck. You're there to be a part of something that you stand for, something greater than yourself.

Andrea, you look funny. She's ghostly over here.

Andrea P My hair is too dark, so it doesn't show. Sorry.

Adam Wes That's better. Thank you.

Working at SpaceX means, okay, we have this shared vision, this shared aspiration. We've talked about inspiration and aspiration in the past. There's something we're doing at SpaceX for something greater than our own survival, than our own desires.

When you desire alone, there's only so much energy to bring that desire into fruition. But when you align your desires with the desires of the whole, with the desires of the world, there are innumerable wills that come together to manifest the fulfillment and creation of that desire.

One of my favorite enlightened teachers spoke this in one of his books. Something along those lines. I'm paraphrasing.

When we align our desires with something greater than ourselves, we can wield that power into something bigger. Steve Jobs is a nice example of this. He said, "We want sleek, intuitive technology that's as easy as plugging in a toaster, and we want it to be like Star Trek: futuristic, clean, artistic, beautiful technology." A lot of people said, "Yeah, we like that." So the desires of all these individuals came together to create what we now know as Apple Computer. Apple. Apple phone, Apple lots of things.

Can you guys see that? We're aligning with something greater than ourselves. Think of two people who love something. It could be piano, classical music, martial arts, intuitive computers, or space travel. When two people come together, their relationship is about more than mutual exploitation or completing each other because there's some sort of lack. They live for something greater than themselves, and there's a romance in this.

It may not be romantic in the man-woman sense, the man-man sense, or whatever somebody's orientations are. It's not necessarily romantic in that way. But it's a beautiful quality of relationship.

What does it feel like? There's more heart in it. It's a feeling. You've got to try to find it. It's a feeling, a dimension of inner possibility, to feel within your connection with another that we live for something greater than ourselves, and together we work for its perpetuation, its expansion, its evolution. There's a beautiful connection. Can you guys feel that when I point to it? I'm trying to point to it. Do you feel it, Andrea? Do you know what I mean?

That's relationship. Then there's a relational quality of just a transaction. Independence, or the personal, is less about relationship, but it's a foundation for it because you have to be yourself, and then you have to relate. We've got these three qualities.

The key is that there has to be a shared vision, inspiration, or something that's greater than ourselves. In spirituality, this is quite potent because there's enlightenment, the light, freedom, kindness, gentleness, love, devotion, and the practice.

Perhaps, in our case, there are things like: let's re-enthrone mathematics. Let's make it something directly perceivable, more like the ancient philosophers experienced it. Let's return it to its rightful place as a cosmic inquiry, a discovery of the universe, an inward cultivation, not some utility. There's vision in that.

I think the reason anybody follows me on Instagram is because they, in themselves, have the same desires. They want to see something similar in the world. A lot of us just kind of turned from mathematics, and the ones who didn't turn from it maybe know that it can be done better.

Then there's the spiritual side, the bhakti side, where there's a kind world, a loving world, a world that centers on harmony, freedom, and accepting each other. It's a world that's abundant, with all this wealth and technology, but also that inward orientation.

There's relationship in that. I think we have relationship here. We share some of these common things, and that forges a relationship. For relationship to be really meaningful, there's this kind of, "Okay, what are we working on together? What matters to us?"

Any questions? We'll get started soon on the meditation. Any comments? Come on, guys. I don't want this to be a full monologue.

Colleen How would you say you had a relationship with yourself? What do you think about a relationship with oneself?

Adam Wes Well, okay, that's interesting.

Eslam O Before you answer, can I add something to it?

Colleen Please, because I didn't really know how to ask.

Adam Wes I'd like to respond to her and the purity of her question first, and then I'd love to hear what you have to share, Sam. Boom.

When we're relating to ourselves, there's an interesting dichotomy being created there, right? It's like, okay, who is relating to whom? I relate to myself, but what am I if I'm relating to myself?

The self in that situation must be a creation, an idea, the self-image. I am one part of myself, perhaps the witness, and then I'm looking at the idea of myself, the constructed self, perhaps. How do I relate to it? Well, I may really accept myself as I am, which is a form of loving myself. I may know myself well, or not know myself very well.

Maybe it's not just an ideation, but a formation of self. There are a few ways to interpret the question. In a way, there's the formless self, and then there's the form self. I might say, "Okay, how am I relating to what I am in form?" Perhaps I don't know myself completely. What are my values? What are my neurotic behaviors? What are my dreams? What are my fears? What are my aspirations?

Self-knowledge, I think, is a good way to have a good relationship with yourself. That comes from observation, observation and acceptance. Meditation is perhaps the most profound thing you can do because, in meditation, you get quiet enough that you can hear the subtle intimations of self. It's hard to know yourself if you can't get quiet enough to notice yourself.

Colleen Do you like that? I'd love to hear what Sam's going to add to that.

Adam Wes Thank you.

Colleen Thank you, Adam.

Adam Wes You're welcome. Hi, Sam.

Eslam O Hi. I wasn't going to add to it, but more like make it immersive. When you were talking about transactional relationships, I was thinking, what if you were to meet your parallel-universe self? What would you ask them? Would you say, "What are your goals? What are you trying to achieve? How can I help you do that?" Or are you going to think, "How can I make use of you? You're another clone of me. That's useful. How can I use you to my benefit?" There are different ways to think about it.

I wasn't going to add to it because it's already perfect as it is, and I'm glad that I asked. But I was just going to make it more immersive. How would you treat yourself?

Adam Wes When we have an expanded circumference of self, we treat ourselves based on what we think is reasonable and helpful. It's interesting. I think this dichotomy of treating yourself is not the most aligned spiritual perspective because there should be no self as an ideation, just action, just being.

You know yourself, but the self acts based on its vested interests and what it thinks is naturally the correct, most evolved course of action. When the self is expanded to include the other, then the self acts on behalf of the other and the self, which is really just one.

"Love thy neighbor as thyself" means to see that your actions are actions on behalf of something greater than your mundane body. You recognize that the happiness of another is also your happiness, and they're not separate. To make another happy is to be happy by making happy. Our joy, our smiles, cannot really shine in the solitary self. They have to be shared.

Expanding the circumference of self is important, but relating to yourself is almost hard for me to even speak on because I don't really feel "relating to yourself." Maybe there's a little bit of a lesson in how difficult it is for me to wrap my mind around that.

You can know yourself, but to traverse any terrain, you must know the terrain, right? Actions and knowledge go together. They are almost, in a way, one. Ultimately, you should accept yourself as you are and be totally true to who you are. But one of the ways to do that, I think, is to stop looking at yourself as outside of yourself.

You just go. You just act. You just dance. There's no mirror in front of you when you're dancing. You're just dancing, and you may look ridiculous, Sam. Ariella may be awake. Jacob might have his camera on.

Hopefully that answers the question. Maybe I'll have some more insights into that later on.

Then there's servant leadership. This is a book I should probably reread. I think this is a really special book, Servant Leadership. I'd just like to share the nugget premise for this entire book, which is that a leader is a servant first.

They take the responsibility to lead as a form of service. It's not self-serving. It's serving an interdependent relationship. There's sacrifice. Taking responsibility is a form of sacrifice. But what happens is, the self merges into something greater, and we find union with something greater. There's a beautiful experience there. Here is a sense of separativity and all the ailments that come with that.

Servant Leadership, by Robert Greenleaf. He worked on boards. He was like a board-of-directors kind of businessperson. He would go in with a lot of sincerity and understanding of leadership, participating on boards in companies. He was just a really interesting person. This is an older, well-known book.

Think of your close friends. Do you have a close friend? Mom, you have your school. You have very much interdependent relationships within the ballet community and the education community. Those relationships mean something because you're a part of something greater than yourself. Does that make sense? You know that, but it's nice to bring a little structure to this.

Ariella is creating her new project. I helped her create a website recently where she's sharing some really interesting insights into pre-birth communication. You, in a sense, are creating something greater than yourself. You want to get the word out about this wave of conscious incarnations coming through that she became aware of psychically. You can see her website, prebirthmessage.com. It's a great new website that we made.

Boom. All right. Any questions? Did you guys appreciate this talk? Did it make sense? When you guys are super quiet like this, it's hard for me to know if you appreciated it.

Andrea P Hi, Adam. It's so interesting for me that I just came from a meeting with someone with whom we are creating this relationship, a business. We have a friendship relationship, and now we're creating this business relationship. But it comes from not what we can take from each other, but what we can create together that's bigger than us.

We were talking about an important part of that. One of the things that I do is, I have a board of directors, and I want to specialize in constructing boards. It's so funny that you showed that book on leadership because it's exactly the kind of thing that I'm looking for. There's a hierarchy of leadership in the Harvard Business School, and one of the most important things is humility. I will look for this book.

Adam Wes Beautiful. As soon as I said it, I felt your energy shift. I felt you pinged out of energy. Now that makes sense. Wow.

Andrea P Yeah, yeah.

Adam Wes Andrea's into business. I sensed that immediately.

His book goes into extreme detail, talking about boards a lot more than that. The key message, though, is very simple: to be a leader is to be a servant first. A real leader.

Andrea P I will look for that. Thank you.

Adam Wes You're welcome. Namaste.

I'm sharing all of this so that there's also some context for our Sangha, and an understanding of the way I look at it and the way you may relate to it. To create and have a Sangha, I haven't really been promoting it that much, but I think something centered on love and light, a community centered on love and light, is important. What could be more important than love and light, guys?

I think a lot of people don't really know what those things are in terms of a deep, visceral feeling. But when you have a community, you know that song I was playing at the beginning? That was really to share some of the feeling of the love and the light in the beginning. That song had a lot of the warmth that I know Sangha can be.

I'd like to build that: friends who are interdependent and centered on love and light.

Boom. All right. Speaking of light, not bad. Twenty-nine minutes. Now exactly 30 minutes.

We shall meditate. The talking is good, and then the meditation is jumping into the water. We can talk about swimming, and then we jump in and go swimming.

Give me a second. Can everybody hear the music fine?

Let's bring attention to the heart center. Maybe, in today's session, let's really try to melt into love and feel your heart.

You can let go. Let your mind expand. There are stars out there, a swirling atmosphere. The moment is now and eternal.

A really good thing to do is bring your attention to your heart. One of the key things you can do to help your heart expand is to have faith that everything is working out exactly as planned.

Here, blessed by the unfolding destiny. It's all happening for us exactly as planned.

Then we can feel gratitude in the heart. Expand.

There is such a thing as a warm heart, a pure heart, a big heart. They're all dimensions of the energetics cultivated in the heart space.

In the forest, you have birds chirping. In LA, you have sirens and loud motorcycles. Those are the sounds of my concrete jungle. I apologize.

Let's become absorbed in the unknown, to surrender. Allow the heart to expand. Get swallowed up by the eternal now.

Allow that inner radiance to wash away any thought of self or other. Wash away the foundations of time and space, so one is completely absorbed in the unknowable awareness, that cognition, that ancient state that connects us to all those spiritual beings who've entered.

Let the universe take you away.

It's good if you keep your head up, Ariella. It would be good if you felt sensitive. Let those waves wash.

Perhaps you've reached a part of the meditation where you can feel a little more jubilance on the face. It's good to feel a radiant gratitude sometimes. It doesn't always feel right for the energy, but sometimes it does, especially once the heart opens.

It's your heart. Expand it. Reach out, way in front of you. Think of your heart as an attention field that can expand well beyond the body. Make your heart very big. Focus. Expand it a little bit more than it is right now.

I'm using the light to permeate your body with light.

Your hands. Feel the aura of qi, and possibly the light there.

Your chest. Your head. Your solar plexus area and back. Your lower abdomen. Pelvis. Thighs. Knees. Calves. Feet. Spine.

All the space around you. In front of you. Above you. Behind you. Left and right. Below.

Radiance.

Back to the heart center, just feeling gratitude.

This is our center, assemblage point, center of the self.

Namaste. When you're ready, you can come out of the meditation. Stay there.

Are you guys ready to come out of the meditation? Mom, would you like to share?

Colleen Sure. That was nice. I started off thinking about relationships with the meditation group. It felt warm and good. This is the only time I meditate, so thank you, people.

You're going to want to know what light I saw. I had a red by itself, a red with a green, and I suppose that's appropriate for Christmas. Then there was green coming out of it.

Adam Wes Green coming up. Nice. Beautiful.

Colleen Thanks, Adam.

Adam Wes You're welcome. How are you feeling?

Colleen Relaxed, comfortable, happy, and good. Thank you.

Adam Wes Good, good, good. Thank you. Namaste, Mom.

Hi, Sam.

Eslam O That was transcendental. I felt things I've never felt before. It goes back to expansion and the paradox of expansion, which is fragmentation. As things diverge and come back again, do you see what I mean? It's like things that were lost, I'm reconnecting back to.

Adam Wes Integration.

Eslam O Like ancient technology waiting to be awakened, and we're just putting some heat on it to dissolve the ice.

Adam Wes It's like the engine is back and running.

Eslam O Cool. Humility, presence, and ease. That's the theme.

Adam Wes Beautiful. I'm grateful for you, Sam. Thanks for being here. Namaste.

All right, Ariella? Do you want to share for a moment? Or Andrea? Whoever can get to it first. There you go.

Andrea P I couldn't go into the meditation the whole time. I was in and out. I'm very obsessive sometimes, and I kept thinking about the meeting that I had today. But when I did go in, it helped me unlock some things that I was trying to unlock.

Something I would like to share is that this must help a lot, this whole process. Something happened to me on Sunday with someone who's also working on meditation, expanding himself, and growing.

On Sunday, I was asleep, and I felt like something pushed in my heart. The sound of his tone went up, and I was like, "Okay, I have to work." It's something funny. It has to do with a person and work.

The awakening of some chakras is really weird. Another time, I was meditating after talking to him, and to my right, I could see it. Everything was purple. I think all of this has helped.

Adam Wes Who was this person?

Andrea P A friend.

Adam Wes A friend, okay. Nice. I'm glad you saw the purple.

Andrea P I saw purple that first time, and an eye. I could clearly see the eye, like the third eye. Then this Sunday, I felt that in my heart chakra. It was green, and it was like a pump. It woke me up. It's weird what's happening.

Adam Wes Beautiful. It sounds like your kundalini is moving.

Andrea P Yeah.

Adam Wes Special. Namaste.

Hi, Sam. You're a little late, but it's nice to see you here at all.

Samweli M It's a pleasure, Adam. Hi, everybody. Sorry, I had a late meeting with somebody in the Philippines.

Adam Wes Okay.

Samweli M We're just proud of you, man. Is this every Tuesday?

Adam Wes Yeah, we do this every Tuesday. We'd love for you to bring your beautiful presence and be with us, if you feel like it.

Samweli M I would love to join one of these Tuesdays. I appreciate you sending out that text earlier, and I look forward to connecting, man. It looks like you have a nice little squad here, which is beautiful. You have an amazing soul, man.

Adam Wes Thank you, Sam.

Samweli M Everyone, Adam was my neighbor about five years ago, when I lived in Santa Monica, so we got to know each other then. I was meditating at the beach around sunset, and he was always meditating at the beach at sunset, so we got to connect.

Adam Wes Yeah, five years ago.

Samweli M This is kind of like a continuation of Lightchild.

Adam Wes Remember Lightchild?

Samweli M You did that in Brentwood or something?

Adam Wes Yeah. That was just one of the events, but yeah.

Samweli M Amazing. Well, namaste. I have to run, so namas-go! Love to everybody.

Adam Wes Ariella, how was your meditation?

Ariella It was wonderful. I've been having a very intense time, so it was wonderful to do the meditation and feel this expansiveness and the light. It was just wonderful, and I feel really good now.

Adam Wes Good, good, good.

Ariella Thank you, thank you.

Adam Wes Thank you, Ariella. Relax. Don't let life get to you too much. Make sure to turn to the spirit on a regular basis. It's all right to do that.

Namaste, everybody. If you're able to donate, the link is there. Thank you for being here, showing up regularly, and bringing your energy. That's a donation of its own kind too.

Namaste. I'll see you all soon.

Happy Hanukkah. It's the second night of Hanukkah right now, so happy Hanukkah to anybody who celebrates that. Oh, third night? Oops, my bad. It is the third night. What am I talking about? Third night of Hanukkah.

I think it's a metaphor for the light too, actually.

Ariella Yes, yes.

Adam Wes The eight days are also exactly a quarter moon. Well, seven and a fraction, so eight makes it a full quarter moon, rounded up.

If you were to meditate for eight days, I feel like that's Hanukkah. Meditate in the light for eight days. That's my interpretation here. If I have a little extra time next year, maybe I'll do an eight-day meditation. Andrea's like, "Oh, that's a long meditation."

Andrea P I was going to tell you, and I will send you an email, but at the beginning of the year, you should do a 30-day meditation. Not every day for 30 days?

That would be great.

Adam Wes I love that idea.

Andrea P I will send you something because there's a girl who does that here in Mexico. She's not as good as you. I will send you an email because I think that would be good for the Sangha, the community, and for you.

Adam Wes I love it. The 30-day meditation. Whoa, I like that. Okay, cool. One time a day, hold a meditation for 20 minutes, that sort of thing?

Andrea P Yes. Exactly.

Adam Wes Send it to me.

Andrea P I will send it to you.

Adam Wes Also, if you want to chat one-on-one, that would be fun too, if you have time.

Andrea P Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Adam Wes You can help me come up with some ideas and stuff. That'd be fun.

Andrea P Great. I will email you.

Adam Wes Email me, yeah.

Andrea P Bye.

Adam Wes Thank you. Have a loving, light-filled week. Bye, everybody.

Ariella Thank you, thank you.

Adam Wes Bye, Mom.

Interdependence arises through shared purpose, an expanded sense of self, service, and a heart centered on love and light.

• Transactional relationships are based on fair exchange, while interdependence means living together for something greater than ourselves.
• A shared vision, inspiration, or aspiration brings individual desires together and forges meaningful relationship.
• Independence is a foundation for relationship because you have to be yourself, and then you have to relate.
• Self-knowledge comes from observation and acceptance. Meditation allows enough quiet to notice the subtle intimations of self.
• When the circumference of self expands to include another, action includes the happiness and interests of both.
• A leader is a servant first. Taking responsibility is a form of service and sacrifice.
• Sangha can be a community of interdependent friends centered on love and light.
• Heart-centered meditation cultivates faith, gratitude, surrender, radiance, and an expanding attention field.

Bring attention to the heart in meditation. Let the mind expand, feel gratitude, and allow the heart to become warm and spacious. With faith that everything is working out exactly as planned, surrender into the unknown and let the heart extend beyond the body.

• Quiet observation and acceptance as ways of knowing yourself.
• The shared vision or aspiration within meaningful relationships.
• Opportunities to take responsibility as a form of service.
• The happiness of another as not separate from your own happiness.
• Attention to the heart, gratitude, warmth, and inner radiance.
• The feeling of love and light shared within Sangha.

• What are we working on together? What matters to us?
• Where do you feel part of something greater than yourself?
• What do you notice when attention rests in the heart?